Testing, Testing 1...2...3!

My life is a blur of tests…tests for physical problems, psychological testing to see if I can have the Gastric Sleeve, a MRI for my knee, an EEG for my brain. And all of this in the next few weeks, along with trying to have a normal home life?  It’s enough to make me want to run screaming!  BUT, I’m not going to, I’m facing these challenges head on, for I have Mastered a master’s degree, I have delivered two beautiful girls in this world via C-Section, I have a loving, successful marriage, but most of all I have faith that God is going to walk me through it.

And all those tests you’re going through, those day to day pressures that are mounting, the mountain of clothes to wash that comes with the change of seasons, anything else that is weighing on your mind, you’ll get through them too.  I promise.

So I haven't posted since March, well I have a lot to catch up on.  When we last saw me, I was dieting with the help of myfitnesspal.com (which is, in my opinion, a great tool if you need to lose 20 lbs, not 200).  I wasn't having much success.  So in June I got lazy and spent the summer gaining the nine pounds I lost back, plus 3 more.  How did you spend your summer vacation...LOL.

So my kids are back in school, so it was time to get serious, so serious that I enlisted the help of my doctor and got a referral to a different surgeon.  I'm now going through the red tape to get the gastric sleeve procedure done.  Unlike the band it's permanent, And it's as good thing too.  I'm trying to eat lowish carb to prepare for the surgery.  After I have it, I'll have a stomach the size of a ball park bun-length hot-dog.

And then guess what?  I pulled the tendon on the inner side of my right knee and am on one crutch, hobbling around and can't exercise.  How did I do this.  I did a karate kick in water aerobics.  Actually, it was a Jacky chan - a jumping jack with a karate kick.  Lovely, simply lovely.

Insomnia

So it’s 5 a.m., and I’ve been up for 4 and a half hours, leaving me with only three hours of sleep for the night.  A big part of the problem with my brand of mental illness is the insomnia.  I take meds to help me sleep, but it seems that the Abilify is counteracting them.  This leaves me tired, cranky, and hungry for all the wrong things.

The worst part about it is I can’t shut my brain off.  It’s running a million miles an hour about everything.  My sick kids: one with a yucky stomach bug, the other with asthma issues, not being able to sleep, why I can’t sleep, my weight, the fact that I won’t make it to the gym again because I’ll be home with two sick kids, the fact that I won’t be able to nap because I’ll be home with two sick kids…. The list goes on and on.  It’s freaking ridiculous.

I’m calling my doctor tomorrow and getting off Abilify.  It’s disrupting my life.  And I know from experience that you need to be in charge of your own mental health.

New Med

So last week, I started Abilify, and I don’t know if I’m just getting used to it or what, But I gained back t5 of the 12 pounds that I lost, though it could be water weight. It’s so frustrating because I have been doing so well on my plan. I had a cheat day Saturday and was only over by 23 calories. I was at the gym 4 times last week and two days this week and it’s only Wednesday morning. I have no idea what to do about it either.

On the plus side the hallucinations I have been having have lessened considerably, but the other problems , including insomnia, (I have been up since 2 a.m. – it’s 5 now), are worse. How much time do I give the medicine? I know we can do something about the insomnia, but if I’m going to have weight gain is it really worth it? Can I live with the hallucinations?

I realize psychiatry isn’t an exact science and everybody is different, but I wish we could find that magic cocktail that would take away the problems and let me live a normal life. I want to be healthy. I want to be functional. I want to be a size 14 again. Is that really too much to ask?

health issues

So I'm having health issues.  First it was my leg, currently in a knee brace (I go see the  orthopedic dr on Friday), now I'm being tested for Cushing's disease and diabetes, both which could have been aggravated by the seroquel.  So glad I am off that evil stuff.  I had a special blood test yesterday, and it will take three to four days for the results.  Cushing's itself can cause diabetes, but there are other more severe complications.  If I have it, I will most likely need to have my pituitary gland removed.  That's Brain surgery.  I'll say it again, BRAIN surgery.  Please keep me in your thoughts as this is really stressful.  Thanks.

You take the good, you take the bad

So after working for a better part of a year I am off Seroquel!  My doctor said the weight loss will be dramatic.  I’m just gonna keep on keepin’ on with my weight loss plan – this week I lost 2.6 lbs and couldn’t be happier.  I’m having dreams of fitting into my wedding dress on vacation and having my friend take all kinds of awesome pictures of me in my gown ten years later.

Now the bad:  I busted my left knee somehow today – that’s the knee I tore ligaments in in high school, broke when I was 29, and which has severe arthritis.  So I’m immobilized and on crutches, and made the mistake of accepting the morphine at the hospital so I have not slept at all.  But my gym offers sitting workout classes, so I will check those out when I’m okay to drive.  *sigh*.  It’s so fun being me.

Returning to my weight loss journey

After my weight loss journey ended with the lap band, I felt free, and I ate like crap.  I ended up gaining my weight back with the help of Seroquel.  About a month ago, my BFF suggested I join Myfitnesspal.com.   I joined a new gym with lots of water classes (Because of my knee and fibromyalgia water exercise is best).  And although I have not lost weight yet, I have exercised 10 times in 20 days, made new friends on the message boards that keep me motivated, and (the most exciting part) will be off Seroquel in a few weeks.  I’m so proud of myself for my change of attitude.  Stay tuned.