Struggling

Struggling

I haven’t written I think at all in the last month, and most of that is because I am struggling.  I’m struggling to get in some exercise.  I’m struggling to say no to chocolate and other treats.  I’m struggling with severe withdrawal symptoms as my doctor and I wean me from my Seroqual, which, we both believe, has served its purpose in my life.  However, the withdrawal symptoms are more than I bargained for: Buzzing head, severe headaches, insomnia that even Ambian can’t touch, horrible mood swings, “Brain zaps”… I could go on and on, but I won’t.

With this struggle I am getting a lot of support.  Two of my best friends call to check on me daily and are available by phone for me if I need extra support.  I did not sleep at all on Wednesday night, so my husband stayed home so I could sleep.  My kids have helped me out around the house.  On facebook, old friends are vocalizing their support – especially ones that have been on psychotropic drugs themselves.

But I need a kickstart.  Today I was watching Heavy, the new show on A&E.  My youngest looked at the woman who was at her “before” and said, “she’s skinny like you”.  The woman was NOT skinny.  She also weighed as much as I do right now.  So after I get through this withdrawal, I’m recommitting myself to my weight-loss journey.  No more comfort food.  Exercise at least 30 minutes everyday.  But first, the withdrawal.