Everything Happens for a Reason

I know that there are many that do not share this view.  In fact, this whole post came out of a debate with a facebook friend.  If you have stories either way, I’d love to hear them.  Comment on here or send me a message at WLNutjob@gmail.com.  However,my thoughts are that maybe this was God's plan, or Karma, or "Everything happens for a reason", but I cannot believe that things didn't just unfold this way out of coincidence.

Bad thing: My daughter's being born at 29 weeks and my mental health issues starting:  Good thing - we were able to get her all the kinds of help she needed because of her diagnoses, and having the breakdown led me to quit my teaching job and complete my MA.  This led to me becoming a nanny for a family in which the father was a well-known lawyer (now judge).  His law firm hired my husband, which got him to go to law school.  Our move got me my position as a elementary guidance counselor - which I LOVED. 

Bad thing: Losing my job as school counselor : I was able to go on bed rest until my youngest was born, then I was able to stay home with her for her first year of life and my older daughter's first year of preschool.

Bad Thing: Second daughter born a preemie.  Again, she had issues that needed special attention, which we qualified for because of her preemie status.  I also was properly diagnosed post-partum as having Bi-Polar disorder, as well as a few more diagnoses.

Bad thing: Moving away from my family to teach, then losing my job because of a breakdown.  Okay, this one is a  bit more far fetched but follow me - In 2007, I was highly overmedicated and not functioning well.  Moving away from my husband really see how poorly I was doing.  Yes, almost having a suicide attempt sucked, but I was taken care of by doctors that knew how to handle me and my diagnoses.  They started me on the meds I am now, and now I am doing very well!  I was also awarded with SSDI, which allows me to not have the stress of working outside the home so I am better able to function as a "homemaker" (except for the activities that I choose to volunteer for - which are things that I can un-volunteer for if things become too hard).

Bad Thing:  having to move into my parents' house and being away from my husband and children.  Being at my parents' house for 6 months after being released from the hospital gave me time to recover and to see what I wanted my family and marriage to look like.  When I moved back in with them at my in-laws, my husband and I went to therapy together and I received excellent services through the Northern Lakes MI CMH that let me develop myself as a PERSON with mental illness not a "bi-polar".  To be honest, the Northern Lakes MI CMH is one of the most progressive in the state and I entered a "recovery" state.

Bad Thing:  My husband deciding not to go into law after law school.  While I did not understand this at first, it really opened us up to new possibilities.  This is how he found his career with the government.  He is paid an awful lot for just being on the job 1 year, he is home at 5 every day, he's happy with his career, and we have a terrific life out here in Nebraska.  Friends of his that are making twice more at large law firms work twice the amount of hours and do not have free time.  In fact, when you figure what the salary is "per hour" worked, my husband comes out on top of many of them.

Happy New Year!

As a former student, teacher, and school counselor, I have always felt that my year runs not from January to December, but instead August or September to June, with three bonus months.  As the summer has come to end, and I have gotten the girls ready for their new school year, I almost feel like I should make some new (school) year resolutions.  So here they go:

1. My kitchen will be cleaned every day.
2. My laundry will not be allowed to pile up.
3. I will read, then file all the important notes that come home from school.
4. Papers that must be filled out and returned to school will make it back to school the following school day.
5. I will not do school drop off in my PJs.
6. When I take my children to their lessons at the Y I will use that time to exercise, not hang out with the other mommies or read a magazine.
7. I will attend all important school meetings.
8. I will make it to my support group meetings for my Lap-Band, as they help keep me motivated and out of the ice cream.
9. I will not be late for drop off or pick up at either school.
10. I will volunteer at both schools, as when I give back to the schools, my children see how important I feel their education is.
11. We will keep track of all library materials!!!!!
12. I will let go of control over what my 2^nd grader chooses to wear to school.  If I didn’t like her clothing choices, I should not have bought them.  As long as her choice is clean (see resolution #2)!
13. I will make time each day to do something I WANT to do, even if it’s just reading one article out of a magazine. J
14. I will thank God every day for my wonderful children, my husband’s wonderful career that allows me to be involved in their education, and for my friends and family who support us!

Medical Issues

Medical Issues

So over my lifetime, I have had 9 surgeries, have been hospitalized 4 times for illness and 6 times for mental illness, and been to the ER more times than I can count.  I have been in anaphylactic shock from an antibiotic, and I have a hard time being in the sun because I get sunpoisening very easily.  However, I have found that using 85 sunblock allows me to take the kids to the park.

So imagine my surprise when, after an hour and half at the park yesterday, and NOT having symptoms of sunpoisening that I started to feel my lips, tongue, and throat swell.  I looked in the mirror and my face looked like it did 53 pounds ago.  I called Pete at work and told him we were going to the ER and got the girls to grab their shoes and a stuffed animal and get in the car.  I drove safely but slightly panicked to the ER when they rushed me back and the dr met us in the room.  5 minutes later and I had an IV and was being pumped with Benadryl, a steroid, something for pain, and pepcid.  Luckily Pete came in was able to help me feel better and make sure the girls were entertained (Thank goodness for Phineas and Ferb!).

As soon as the facial, throat and tongue swelling went down, I was able to go home.  It turns out that the blood pressure medication that I have been on FOREVER can cause the allergic response that I had, so now I’m on a new expensive med for blood pressure. And to top it off, last night after I took my regular meds and took my second dose of Benadryl, I slept so soundly (and strangely) that I cannot move my neck. 

But hey, I guess it could be worse.  I was a little nervous that the steroid was going to give me steroid psychosis or send me manic, but when I felt overly jittery last night, I just took my Klonopin early and I felt fine.  But this experience has made me even happier that I decided to get the Lap-band.  Being smaller, I need less medication, and someday I may be off my blood pressure med altogether.  My psychiatrist and I will be meeting next week and he as plans to lower my Seroqual and possibly my Effexxor.  This is amazing to me because I have always needed a high dose because of my weight.  Yet another benefit of the lap-band and another reason I thank God everyday.

It's been forever!

So, it has been forever since I last posted.  Getting ready for vacation to our home state of Michigan, having a wonderful vacation filled with life and love from our families and friends, then coming home and trying to get organized for school, which starts in 3 weeks, has had me pretty bogged down.  Also the let down from vacation and not knowing the next time we will see our loved ones has left me a little depressed.  I’m working hard to get back into my routine, but I am not quite there yet.

The Wednesday before I went on vacation, I was asked to lead my NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) group as our regular facilitator was away on business.  The meeting went well, and hey, getting to use that Master’s Degree in Counseling was pretty fun.  Last week when I went into the NAMI meeting, the facilitator asked me to stay after so we could chat.  My first thought, of coarse, was am I in trouble?  However, he had a request for me.  He asked if I would take the NAMI training course and become a co-facilitator!  The thought was wonderful, but the logistics were unfortunate timing.  My husband would have had to take this coming Friday off so I could go, and as we just came back from vacation, there really isn’t a way for that to happen right now.  But, this really is just a logistic thing.  I let my NAMI facilitator know that I am interested and I would be happy to do it the next time the training comes around.  Having a young family like mine means we need more planning time than a week.  But I am going to do it.  I’d like to think that the hurt and pain that my family has gone through because of my mental illness diagnoses could help others some day, and again, getting to use those skills I developed while earning a 3.96 GPA in grad school would most definitely be wonderful.

On the diet front, vacation was a huge excuse for me to eat ice cream, and eat ice cream I did!  However, I did watch my potion sizes, and I even though I cheated., I only gained a half pound.  Last week, I got back to business with diet and exercise and I am now down a total of 53 pounds.  I have also realized I really need to buy new underwear, as my underwear are either giving me wedgies (ugh), or falling down.  I guess I never thought about needing smaller underwear before.  That, and my shoes are suddenly all too big.  Does this mean the days of only being able to buy shoes if they come in wides is over?  Stay tuned, as I will need to go shopping for me in the next month!