Prologue

Prologue

March 42010

Since I was eight years old, I have always been between 50 and 100 pounds overweight. I was the “fat kid” in elementary and middle school, and my weight did not go unnoticed by my mom and by the doctors in charge of my physical care. One doctor told my mom, if she continues like this, her size will match her age. And so it did. I was a size 14 at 14, a 20 at 20, and a 30/32 on top at 32.

At eight, my mom signed me up for Shape Down, a weight loss program designed for children and teens. There I learned that I could have 100 pretzel sticks or one Reese’s cup. My mom made me a deal. Lose 10 pounds and you can get your ears pierced. So I lost ten pounds, and got my ears pierced. A few weeks later, my sister got hers pierced and then got ice cream. I was as mad as an eight-year-old could get. So I got back at my mom buy doing the only thing I ever knew how to do….. I snuck food, stole my dads pocket change to buy candy, and I gained back the 10 pounds, plus extra.

Over the rest of my childhood, my weight issue became a family affair. We were all going to eat healthier so that Kathy will lose weight. Well, after our healthy meals, my dad would take one of my siblings out to run errands that always included a stop to a Coney Island restaurant for hot dogs.

At twelve, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. My weight took the backburner. I took on a lot of adult responsibilities. I believe I was also suffering from child hood depression at the time. I ate to feel better because I couldn’t handle my mom’s illness.

In high school, between my mom’s relapses of cancer, I tried other weight loss plans. I did weight watchers, went to a psychic specialist who looked at my eyes and told my parents to basically put me on the Atkins diet. Then I simply tried the starvation diet. I would eat a banana in the morning, drink diet Pepsi all day, the stuff my face with anything and everything available when I got home from school. That got me to stay at a size 14, and my mom was happy with that.

The summer I was turning 17, I went on tour with a choir to Europe. We walked everywhere, and almost all the food I ate was fresh, non-processed food. I was gone 3 weeks, and when I returned, my size 14’s was loose, and I felt like I never looked better. It also helped that I met my boyfriend on the trip (almost seventeen years later and we are still together, married for about 8 years, and have two beautiful girls).

In college, I learned that my mom’s cancer had spread through her body to her lungs, bones, and brain. I had gained the freshman 15 and more, and was a size 20. I knew that my mom would love to see me thin, so I joined Jenny Craig, and began walking 5 miles a day. I took the summer off from college and moved home to take care of my mom. By the time I returned to college, I was a size 14. I stayed that size until my mom’s funeral in November. Then I ate my way up to a size 22.

After I graduated from college, I began working out at a gym while watching what I ate. I was a solid size 18, but I felt great and I looked great. I was happy with myself, and that happiness helped me make really great food choices along with workouts 4 days a week.

That next summer, I moved in with my now husband and his roommate, and started eating like them. I went up to a size 20 and stayed there until six months before our wedding, when I joined both Weight Watchers and Curves at the same time. I lost 24 pounds, but more impressively, lost 48 inches from the Curves workouts.

Now we get to the hard stuff….

When I came home from my honeymoon, I discovered, and was thrilled, that I was pregnant. But that joy did not last long. Soon I developed hyperemesis (basically puking too much during pregnancy). I started losing weight instead of gaining. Then my blood pressure went up. I was put on bed rest for Preeclampsia in early January, even though my due date wasn’t until April. On January 19, 2003 I woke up in the hospital feeling like I had the flu. Later that day, my preeclampsia progressed to HELLP Syndrome, and my vital organs like liver and kidneys started breaking down. I was rushed to the other hospital in town – the one with a Level 4 NICU, and my first daughter was born via emergency C-Section at 12:12 am January 20, 2003.

Three days after she was born, I had my first anxiety attack. Then I had my first manic episode, not able to eat or sleep and not knowing why. Then I crashed into a deep depression, and overdosed on blood pressure medication. I passed out in the bathroom, and my wonderful husband called the paramedics. I had to have my stomach pumped, and then was sent to the cardiology floor until I recovered enough to be moved to the psychiatric floor. I was so embarrassed. Here I was, a grad student in Counseling, and I needed the mental health help. In the hospital, I lost more weight, and was down 10 lbs from my wedding day, just 40 days postpartum. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, but looking back, I really was experiencing a Post-Partum Psychosis. (It typically takes several years from onset for a person to be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, which is my main diagnoses). Then the meds they put me on started my weight gain. I gained 35 pounds and went up to a size 24. I stayed at a size 24 until they discontinued my atypical anti-psychotic drug. I went down to 250 lbs and a size 20.

I stayed off psychotropic medications for several months until I had a manic episode after getting steroids for a severe allergic reaction. Then I went back on a SSRI antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication. In January 2005, I learned I was pregnant again. This pregnancy was also wrought with problems. I had hyperemesis again, and it caused severe stomach pains that were so bad I was hospitalized and given morphine. Then the really scary stuff happened – I had severe gallbladder disease and could not keep food down. I also started a new psychiatric problem three weeks before she was born when I began hearing voices that weren’t there. Freaked out, I called my OB, and she prescribed me the same medication I was on post-partum in the hospital after Emily was born. Then 4 weeks before my baby was born, my baby wasn’t showing adequate growth. We scheduled a c-section, and my youngest daughter was born on September 17, 2005. She needed help breathing and digesting food, so she was hospitalized in the NICU for 2-3 weeks.

Even though I hadn’t gained weight during her pregnancy, once I was put on the psychotropic medication, I gained 20 lbs in three weeks, and I was hardly eating. On the day of my c-sectioned, I weighed 279 lbs. I figured just like my first pregnancy, that I would lose about 20 lbs in the next few weeks. Unfortunately, when I was hospitalized for post-partum psychosis a few weeks later, I still weighed 279 pounds. I was put on Geodon, and stayed on the drug for over two years. I didn’t gain any more weight, but I didn’t lose any either.

In 2007, I was taken off the Geodon, and my weight settled back at 250. Unfortunately, this did not last long. This was because I was about to crash.

In 2007, I went back to teaching, but soon fell into the deepest depression of my life. I ended up in the mental health hospital, lost my teaching job, and filed for both Social Security disability and bankruptcy. Everything went through on both accounts, and I started a new “cocktail” of medication that I am still on to this day- Seroqual, Effexxor XR, and Klonopin. On most days, these meds help me function as good as I possibly can, they have a nasty side effect – weight gain. From 2008-2010, I put on weight so fast it wasn’t even funny. At my peak, in January 2010, I hit my high of 338 lbs, and a size 30.

However, from 2008-2010, I worked with doctors to get my health back. I had a sleep study, which revealed sleep apnea. I had blood tests that showed high lipids and triglycerides, and ended up on a statin medication and fish oil to lower my cholesterol. My thyroid medication needed tweaking. I showed signs of metabolic syndrome, a pre-curser to diabetes. With my Medicaid insurance in Michigan, I had to be on a doctor supervised weight loss plan for a year to be approved for weight-loss surgery. During this time, my husband became employed with the government. After he was finished with training, we joined him in Nebraska.

Even though the Lap-band surgery was always on my mind, and I knew our insurance would cover it, I began to become afraid. I was afraid that I didn’t try hard enough to lose the weight on my own. I was afraid I wouldn’t ever again be able to enjoy food. I was afraid they would deny my request because I am on the psychotropic medications.

But in January, I had my consult, and it went better than expected. Then in February, I jumped through the final hoops of the psych evaluation and the nutrition evaluation. I was approved for the surgery in mid February. When I had met all the requirements, I scheduled my surgery for March 22, 2010.

While I was waiting for surgery, I went on the “slim-fast plan”; you know, two protein shakes and a sensible meal daily. It wasn’t easy, and some of my dinners were not sensible – especially if I followed them with desert. But on the day of surgery, I was down 20 lbs. to 318 pounds.

20 lbs! I couldn’t believe it! Never before had I lost weight so quickly, and never before had I been so motivated to keep going!

Please check back, as I will be chronicling my journey as I pass milestones. Please feel free to contact me at wlnutjob@gmail.com with any questions or comments. Thanks!