C.H.O.I.C.E. Campaign Essay Contest

Today, I entered the C.H.O.I.C.E Campaign essay Contest sponsored by Allergan (the makers of the Lap-Band system). A few months ago, I learned about the C.H.O.I.C.E Campaign through my bariatric surgery coordinator Shelley. I blogged about the campaign in May, and was shocked and ecstatic when I learned that my blog was being followed by a woman that works for the C.H.O.I.C.E. campaign for Allergan (the makers of the lap band).

So I decided to enter the essay contest portion of the C.H.O.I.C.E Campaign. I wrote and reworked my essay for the last month, and today, I am totally happy with my entry. On Wednesday when I attended therapy, my psychologist took a picture of me with her camera, and I have a “before” picture from February that I also submitted. So here is my essay and pictures. Hope you enjoy them!

My Journey

From 8 years old, I have always been at least 50 pounds overweight. Shortly after my eighth birthday, my mom was diagnosed with cancer for the first time. I had to grow up and handle tasks around the house that my mom usually handled. To deal with the stress, I turned to food. I continued this “relationship” into my adult life. I tried Weight Watchers, Curves, Jenny Craig, walking 5 miles a day, and “Walk Away the Pounds” DVDs. I’d lose a little weight, then always regained. During stressful times in college, during my years of teaching, and grad school, and being the mom of a child with special needs, food was my best friend and worst enemy.

After my first child was born eleven weeks early, I had my first encounter with severe mental illness. Imagine my surprise as a teacher and grad student in Counseling Education when I was diagnosed with Post-Partum Psychosis. To treat my illness, I started taking medication that resulted in a 50 pound weight gain, but I was functioning and happy, so I figured the weight gain was worth it. After the birth of my second child, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Several other mental health diagnoses soon followed. In November of 2007 I became disabled by my mental health conditions. From 2003 until 2010, I went on and off different psychotropic medications, and I gained a total of 130 pounds. I figured that it was worth it to be functional, but then I started having medical problems because of my 338 pounds. I developed hypertension, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, arthritis in my knees, and chronic back pain.

But I was lucky; I made the CHOICE to have Lap-Band Surgery. My insurance in MI did not pay for it, but when my family moved to Nebraska for my husband’s job, his insurance covered the procedure. I had my first appointment with my surgeon Dr Tadeucci in February 2010. I knew when I walked out of his office that I would do anything within my power to make the lap-band work for me. My surgery date was March 22, 2010. Since my surgery, have lost over 45 pounds and went from a size 30/32 on top to an 14/16, and a 28 on bottom to a 24. I no longer have sleep apnea, and some of the levels of my medication have been lowered to go with the weight loss. I have a ton of energy, and I love to exercise at the YMCA and take my kids to swim in the Y’s outdoor pool. And yes, I wear my bathing suit proudly!

But the weight-loss is not the biggest change. I feel better about myself as a person. I have been using my experience to help others. I have also chronicled my weight loss journey on my blog: Weightloss Nutjob: Adventures with Mental Illness and A Lap-Band (http://weightlossnutjob.blogspot.com/). In late May, Laura Nguyen from Allergan contacted me about my blog, thanking me for mentioning the CHOICE campaign in one of my posts. I have never been more proud of myself when I received that email! I feel so proud and thankful that I have been able to have my Lap-Band. It truly is my miracle! I know that my journey is just beginning, and I cannot “weight” to see where it is going to take me!

Motivation ( or how I got my mojo back)

Sorry it has been so long since I have last posted. With the end of the school year, Vacation Bible School, Father’s day, and other obligations, I have not had time. I have also had writer’s block and I’m pretty sure some depression as I have been trying to adjust to being with my kids 24/7. Being an at-home-mom get’s overwhelming, stressful, and dare I say it? Boring and lonely!

We have made an effort to go to the YMCA a lot and I volunteered at VBS, so I did get some time to hang out with other moms. Yesterday was especially good – we went to Library Story Hour, then hung out and did some crafts. I ran into a family whose child attended the same preschool as my youngest, and then another stay-at-home-mom that I got friendly with when our children were in dance and swimming lessons together last spring. Then we had a playdate with my older daughter’s friend from church in the YMCA outdoor pool.

I have been attending a support group for WLS patients, as well as private counseling, and a NAMI (www.nami.org) mental health support group for a while now. In my WLS support group, we talked about some “action items” that we can do in order to motivate ourselves when the time comes that we need more motivation. I discussed this with my counselor, than I decided to write down some of the activities mentioned to show where I am, how far I’ve come, and where I want to be.

Now, I already had some rewards planned for mile stones. At the loss of 10 % of my body weight, I got my hair cut and colored. At 50 lbs (I’m at 43!), I will get a mani-pedi. At 75, I’ll Get a massage, and at 100, I’m getting a full blown spa day! But, I didn’t know how to reward myself for the “little things, like being able to cut my toenails and play on the floor with the kids. The first thing I did at the urging of my counselor was to set up a rewards system for myself. I first wrote out the rules for myself. Everytime I follow my eating plan for a day, I give myself a pink dot on my datebook. Every time I exercise for 30 minutes a day, I get a purple dot. Five pink dots in a row – I get to choose a video that I want to watch. Five purple dots in a row – well, I haven’t figured out that one yet.

So after doing that, I sat down and wrote a list of 25 reasons why I had the surgery. When my family is sitting around eating ice cream and I feel left out, now I’ll have my list of why I had the lap-band. I also made a goal chart, with the goal and the date that I accomplished that goal. So far I have reached 8 of my 33 goals, but I know as I accomplish a goal, I will want to come up with new ones, and I am excited about that! The great thing about this is that I have a visual reminder of how far I’ve come in the last three months, and if that is not a motivator, what is?

Here are the documents I wrote, enjoy!

Pink dots= sticking to eating plan

Eating Plan

High Protein

No drinks with meals

Low fat

No added sugar

Drink lots

3-5 servings fruits and veggies

Purple dots = Exercise

Must be at least 30 minutes long, though can be broke up throughout the day.

Heavy cleaning counts

Why I had Surgery

1. 338 lbs
2. Size 30/32
3. High Blood Pressure
4. High Cholesteral
5. Sleep Apnea
6. Poor Self esteem
7. joints hurting
8. unable to get down on the floor to play with my kids.
9. didn’t fit in airplane seats
10. winded from walking one flight of stairs or one block
11. had to order my bras from fat women catalogs
12. Could only buy clothes at Avenue or at Catherines
13. No energy to play with kids
14. spent too much money on treats and fast food
15. Being medically diagnosed super morbid obese
16. Depression cycles more common.
17. embarrassed about the way I looked.
18. didn’t feel like myself – felt as if I had lost who I was.
19. can’t fit in tub to take bath.
20. had a hard time with personal hygiene.
21. couldn’t even find jewelry or shoes that fit comfortably
22. sick of carbohydrate addiction
23. tired all the time
24. pre-diabetes
25. did not feel like I was being a good mom.

Goal	Date Met
Be able to get on the floor and play with kids	6/6/10
Lose 10 percent of my weight	5/2010
Be a 14/16 on top (14/16 tank tops from avenue!!!)	6/12/2010
Buy clothes at regular clothing store	6/12/2010 (2x tank tops at Old Navy!)
Be a 18/20 on bottem
Cut my own toenails	5/2010
Feel comfortable being photographed.
Fit into my wedding dress
Have energy to play with kids outside	5/31/2010
Be able to clean my floors (on hands and knees without too much trouble)	6/23/2010
Fit in an airplane seatbelt without an adjuster
Earn 5 pink dots in a row
Earn 5 purple dots in a row
Down 50 pounds
Down 62.5 pounds
Down 75 pounds
Down 87.5 pounds
Down 100 pounds
Ride the rides at an amusement park
Go down a water slide
Comfortably swing on swings at a park
Play tag with my kids
Walk 5 miles at once
Walk 7 miles at once
Walk 10 miles at once
Walk 12.5 miles at once
Walk 15 miles at once
Walk 17.5 miles at once
Walk 20 miles at once
Take part in the Breast Cancer 3 day walk.
Ride a bike
Turn Heads J
Feel beautiful!	6/12/2010

18/20!!!!!!

When I started on my journey of preparing for my surgery, I began to dream about what my body might look like when I became an “after”. I figured that I would wear about a 14/16, or maybe a 14/16 on top and an 18/20 on the bottom. I felt that it was a perfectly reasonable goal, considering that was my size when I got married in 2002, and then again in 2004 between babies. I always felt good about myself at that size, and I was sure that I would again feel good about myself. So today was a total surprise….

I took my kids to the mall as I had coupons for both The Children’s Place and Lane Bryant. At The Children’s Place, I bought flip flops for each of my girls that they could wear outside on the way to the pool. Then we went to Lane Bryant, where I decided that I’d use my coupon to buy some nice tank tops. I usually avoid showing my upper arms because I usually think they resemble “bat wings”, but with all my working out, I now have muscle definition on the tricep areas. Plus, it is damn hot here in Nebraska, and I’ll be darned if I am going to suffer because I don’t want the world to see that I have fat on my arms. Really, I’m not fooling anyone when my arms a stuffed into a sleeve, and I’m getting to really like the changes that are happening!

So I grabbed a tank in a size 22/24 and went to try it on, then, just for kicks, I grabbed an 18/20. That’s when the miracle occurred. As I stepped into the fitting room, I could feel myself getting excited. What if I could fit into the smaller size? So I tried on the 18/20, AND IT FIT!!!! I literally jumped for joy! Right now, my body is one size above my goal – I am an 18/20 on top, and a 22/24 on the bottom. I am looking not only thinner, but fitter. When I looked at my arms, the muscle definition was the first thing that I noticed, and the bat wings are significantly smaller – and I’ve had this much change from a 42 pound loss!

Now I have a new dream – I want to be a size 12. When I get there, I will reevaluate. Maybe I’ll be a ten, or *gasp*, a size in the single digits? Right now, I feel like the world is open to new possibilities, and I can’t wait to examine each one!

Feedback

I decided to check my email for my blog today. I haven't been checking it often because I haven't been getting anything but mail from my gmail account. So imagine my surprise when I checked it today and saw this message, dated May 26!

Hi there!

I’m  ( Name removed for privacy) and I’m contacting you on behalf of Allergan. We wanted to write and thank you for sharing news about the CHOICE campaign. I saw your post on Monday and appreciate you sharing news about the campaign and for sharing your story! If you have any questions or need anything, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Have a great rest of your week!

Allergan is the company that makes the Lap-Band (aka my miracle)! If they have people working for them that are reading my blog, I wonder who else is. So if you have a minute, drop me a line, or post a comment. I'd really appreciate your feedback! Thanks!