New med news!

I’ve had an exciting few weeks when it comes to both my mental health and my weight-loss.  The reason it’s so exciting is because it’s related.  A few weeks ago, I went to my psychiatrist and we decided to lower my level of the atypical antipsychotic Seroqual.  Now, Seroqual has been my life saver.  Three years ago, when I was last hospitalized for bipolar issues, we started me on the medication.  Over the last three years, I have had my level raised until I was on the maximum dose available.  My current psychiatrist took a look at that and the side effects I’ve experienced (130 lb weight gain, high cholesterol and triglycerides, and pre-diabetes), and told me when the time was right, we would back me off.  And so it has started.

Last week, I started backing off my dose.  I had some withdrawal symptoms (upset stomach, trouble sleeping, feeling “out of it”), but I tried to balance this out by sticking to my diet, adding extra exercise, and keeping to my sleep schedule.  This week, I feel great.  I’m more alert, have more energy and the scale has started going down again.  In fact, this past weekend, I had to go clothes shopping.  I bought a size 22 pair of jeans, smaller band bra, and a size 18/20 shirt.  That’s a drop of 5 sizes on the bottom and 6 sizes on top, and a 4 inch drop in band size for my bra since March 22!  Not too shabby!

For the next several months, I will be dropping off my Seroqual 100 mgs at a time, giving myself a little more than a month to get “level”, before we move me down the next step.  So far so good!  Altogether, this may take about 45 weeks, but it is totally worth it!

Gratitude

This time of year, gratitude and thankfulness are on the minds of many people.  Since I listened to MK Mueller’s 8 to Great, I have been practicing her suggestion of writing down three things each morning when you get up that you are thankful for.  The only stipulation is that they cannot be repeated.

However, as I complete his exercise every morning (it’s good for the heart), I find that my thoughts during the day stay positive, and if behavior follows thoughts, this means that my behavior patterns are also more towards the positive,  I do a better job of having positive behavior, such as, even though I don’t feel well, after I rest I can pick up the living room.  I eat food that is better for my body.  I have not been exercising intentionally because I have bronchial pneumonia, but I have been looking for smaller ways to be active.

So I challenge you to list 3 things you are thankful for every morning.  It might just change your life as it has done with mine.

Dancing Naked in the Living Room

As I sat down to write this blog, my five-year-old came out of the bathroom completely naked, waiting for her bath to be ready, and danced in the living room.  I laughed.  I want to have the self esteem that lets ME dance naked in my living room.  Then I realized that her small act of self esteem related directly to what I wanted to talk about:  Taking responsibility for my own life.  I was just listening to the CDs in my car by MK Mueller that I had won this past weekend at my Weight loss Surgery Patient Reunion/Conference.  The interesting thing is that until last week, I was unsure of how I was going to even attend what turned out to be a pinnacle experience in my life.

I’ll be the first one to admit I am not the best with money. (But I am getting to be much better).  I had failed to plan for the price of the conference in my budget, but was able to attend thanks to volunteering and other beneficial actions of others.  I was put at the registration desk, and I was one of the first smiling faces that others got to see welcome them to the reunion.  When MK, our keynote speaker, entered the room, she came right up to me, shook my hand with a power handshake, and introduced herself.  That was the first of our interactions.

During our reunion, her keynote address spoke right to my heart.  She was handing out her books left and right as people took risks to speak the first thing that came to mind from her questions.  I immediately thought, “I would LOVE to read the book, but I don’t have time”, Then came the next question, “What is the one thing I have to do today?”.  The answers were mostly in the range of “Teach us the 8 to Great Highways”, “deliver the keynote address”, and so on.  I piped up “Take care of yourself”, and Just like that (Imagine me snapping), I was awarded 8 to Great – ON CD!  MK Made eye contact and smiled at me.

Then we had a break, where I, again, had issues digesting my food.  After, she talked about feeling our feelings.  I’m not going to give you her whole speech, for that I recommend checking out her website www.8togreat.com. But she did talk about feeling even the most uncomfortable feelings: mad and sad.   You see, Mad and Sad go together and are like two sides of the same coin, or like yin and yang.  When you are mad without acknowledging your hurt or sad feelings, you have rage.  And the opposite side is that if you feel only sad without getting angry, you have depression.  Whoa.  Did you read that?  Sad without mad is depression.  And I have been suffering from some form of depression since my mom was diagnosed with cancer in my childhood.  The tears started to flow.  And it was like a fire was just burning anew inside me.  I was mad, no, not just mad, ANGRY.  Pissed off!  How dare my mom get cancer and not be able to be a mom like I had needed.  How dare she die when I was 20!  She never helped me pick out my wedding dress or come to stay with me after the birth of my children!  How dare God allow that to happen?  As I experienced this catharsis, my table mate suggested I share this experience with MK.

So at the completion of her talk and the beginning of lunch, I went and waited in the line of women wanting MK to sign the copy of her book.  I shared my story and she told me” Of course you get to be angry!  You get to go home and punch pillows and throw ice at the sidewalk “(FUN!  It breaks like glass!)!  And when I said I felt mad at God, she shared that the psalms were full of David’s anger at God.  Then I added “And Jesus’ “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” – if that is not anger and sadness directed at God, well what is?  And heck, if it was good enough for Jesus, why wouldn’t it be good enough for me?  Am I not also a child of God?”.  She hugged me tight and looked right at me and said “You’re going to take this information and use it to change lives.  It was at that moment that I told her by education, I am a teacher and school counselor, then, I added, I’m 34.

The reasons I let her know that I am an educator by trade and 34 years old?  MK was a teacher, the 8 to Great curriculum is taught in thousands of middle and high schools, and at age 34 was when MK herself had her pinnacle experience that led her to become the person that she is today.

I am over my anger, and have forgiven my mom for not being the mom I felt I needed.  I’ve forgiven her for dying.  I have forgiven God for allowing this to happen.  I have forgiven myself for allowing myself to go 14 years without letting myself experience my anger.  I have asked God’s forgiveness for my boldness and anger directed at him.  And I am excepting responsibility for my life.   Today I made that phone call to get my band adjusted, then I made a phone call to fulfill a dream.  I have an appointment on Monday for a band adjustment AND an appointment on Friday with a plastic surgeon.  It turns out that once my insurance approves it, I can have my floppy lower belly removed surgically and have a tummy tuck.  The appointment Friday will get the ball rolling, but it’s already rolling in my brain!  I see myself with a FLAT stomach – something I have not seen since I was 7-Years-Old!  I don’t need to have my stomach fat protecting me. How about them apples?

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Okay, I have a confession to make.  I have not had a band fill since I had some of the fluid taken out in august, and I know  that I probably need a band fill, but I have been putting it off.  I have been at a standstill for weight loss, which has stopped right around the weight that I was after having my second daughter, and where my weight sat for two years before I started on Seroqual but my body looks completely different.  The first thing I noticed is that my face is slimmer and the muscles in my arms, legs, and stomach are trimmer.   I am able to get into size 1 X tops and dresses, which I haven’t worn since my honeymoon.  I have a nice bust line, and went from a 50A bra to a 46B, though I could probably go up to a C and it would only be a little big.  My waistline is trimmer, and when I wear pants, I have a much smaller “muffin top”.  I’m no longer a size 22/24 on the bottom, as those are getting almost too big to wear.  My one pair of size 22 pants fit perfectly and I LOVE it!

But those aren’t the only changes – I am craving exercise like I once craved chocolate (well, I still crave chocolate, just not as much!).  When I took my kids to boo at  the zoo and then trick or treating, we walked over a mile each night and it did not wear me out.  My wedding ring, which has been stuck for 4 years now slips right off.

Health wise, my body has been going through even more exciting changes.  My blood pressure has gone from a shockingly high 170s/120s to a healthy 120s/70s.  My blood tests to check for diabetes and pre-diabetic conditions were completely fine.  My cholesterol level is also normalized.  Yes, I could get a band-fill, but I’m almost thinking I may have found my “sweet spot”.  I’m going to a weight loss surgery conference on Saturday and I’ll write a report after as to what other changes I need to make.